This week’s work in progress is an idea. I am happy with where I ended on the roses, I have not actually traced the sunflowers, and I didn’t devote the time in the studio that I would have liked. What I have done is make a shift in the way that I think. I am considering how to make installation work combining sculpture and painting, it is an idea that has been on the back burner for quite some time now. I want to do a series about my experience (or lack of) with my cultural heritage(s) and examine how that tenuous connection has affected my life. I’ll share more when I can articulate my thoughts better, but that’s the idea that has been buzzing around my head.
Good fit for the Work Room
Another work in progress this past week has been me. I have been struggling to prioritize my life around art and even prioritize myself. I frequently get lost in the roles and relationships I have with others and don’t consider what I need to be happy or successful. I am making a concerted effort to center my thoughts and process my emotions, and spend time working out my own issues. I can already tell this shift in focus is beneficial because I am starting to think creatively again. The majority of my background thoughts have always been occupied with scheduling chores and how I can fix problems for others. It’s not constructive studio time when your brain is split between trying to tackle solutions for other people and trying to reform your own artistic process. Reshaping the way I think is probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever done but well worth it for the ability to create new ideas.
Bouquets of paint brushes interrupted by some flowers
I mean it’s going okay, not great, but not terrible. I have been working on the pink roses and rediscovering all the old problems that made me quit working on it in the first place. One thing I realize I’m doing is I’m treating the under-painting too preciously, so I drenched it in paint. It’s an experiment anyway so why not push it. I added the cool blues and greens like I wanted and I am enjoying the effect, but when it gets more tacky I’m going to need to address the flowers (again).
While that dries some I’m going to work on these sunflowers.
I drew an outline, prepped a canvas with more gesso, and sanded it smooth. I never tried smoothing a primed canvas before, probably out of laziness, so I’ll see how it goes. I need to trace it to the surface today, and I’m thinking about how I want to lay down color and the underpainting. From working on the roses I’m realizing I really am lacking in the planning and development part of my painting.
Planning isn’t the thing I need to work on, I need to refine my set up as well. I don’t feel like I have enough space to mix colors and I don’t like my paint storage system. With every step forward I see how much more I need to learn and do. I have a few ideas I’m trying out and some plans for arranging the space better as well. I will let you know as I tackle it!
It’s six in the morning and I am sitting in my studio. It’s a mess, and not in the creative fury of thoughts and action kind of way either. It’s wrecked in the dusty, disheveled –I didn’t know where to put these things so I stacked it on my dried out watercolor palette ‘cause it’s not like I’m using it anyway– kinda way. The atrophy of my creativity is painfully apparent.
When I’m working it’s understandable to not have creative energy after 12 hours of physical labor. Weekends between working days can also be a mad race to complete all the washing, cooking, and shopping for the busy week to come.
But I haven’t had a union gig for quite some time (as is the nature of the film industry). I tell myself that work will pick up soon and I should be take advantage of all the down time but somehow days and nights pass and I still manage to avoid just sitting in my studio. I’m always able to fabricate a list of other chores that needed attending; there are meals to prepare, laundry to catch up on, rooms to destroy with the pretense of “organizing”, and of course, plenty of shows to binge.
It is not about energy I have, or the chores I list that keeps me avoiding my studio. I have put so much pressure on the need to make something “good” that I haven’t actually enjoyed the process of drawing or painting in quite some time. My future feels like it hinges on my ability to create good work. It becomes overwhelming when each drawing or painting feels like it needs to be the piece that starts the portfolio collection that will jumpstart my career. I want very much to be a successful Artist, able to sustain myself fiscally with what I produce, spending my days making and creating. I find it difficult to just start a piece with all the self-imposed expectations looming overhead. I know I am going to have to set aside my trepidation and embrace works that won’t be up to snuff. There will be a lot of bad and mediocre pieces while learning to make great ones.
So these are my first steps toward learning to accept failure as an instructor and allow myself a reasonable pace to discover who I am as an artist. There isn’t really a straightforward life model for growing into what I want to become. As I chart my own path in making creativity a career I’ll share my process and everything else in between that sustains and inspires me, here in the Den of Leaves.